The Alchemy Professor
by TheCandyChild
Summary: The peculiar new Alchemy professor at Hogwarts, Edward Elric, never wanted to teach some spoiled magic-using kids the art of Alchemy. But when he gets to piss off fat, pink toads, protecting some Potter kid, and knocking some sense into some people, maybe this year won't be so bad after all.
1. Chapter 1

**Harry**  
"So, did you hear of the new subject?" Hermione asked, eagerly. I shook my head. Was this what all the excitement about?

"No. What's the new subject?" I asked, frowning. Ron shrugged.

"I haven't got a clue," He said. "It's just a rumor, after all, but everyone seems real excited 'bout it. Dunno why."

"Oh. So _that's_ why everyone seems so...er, excited." I said. Hermione nodded.

"Well, who _wouldn't_ be excited? I mean, it's a _new_ subject!" She exclaimed. Ron snorted.

"Only _you_ would be excited at having more classes, 'Mione. For the rest of us, it's torture." He laughed. Hermione frowned and opened her mouth to say something, but there was a soft knock at the compartment door, and we all stopped talking as the door opened, revealing a rather handsome boy with eyes the color of molten gold. He was about our age. His golden blonde hair was up in a braid, and he wore a rather odd looking muggle outfit.

He wore black leather pants with something in one of the pockets, only the silver chain visible, a black jacket, the edges lined with white, black combat-looking boots with red soles, white gloves, and a long blood red hooded overcoat with some kind of strange symbol on the back. It looked like a snake was curled around a cross, a crown and what looked like wings or something above it. "Er, mind if I sit in this compartment with you guys?" He asked.

Hermione, who had been sitting there, staring, nodded, a blush making its' way to her cheeks. The boy closed the compartment door and sat next to Hermione, who was still blushing.

"Er...I'm Harry Potter." I said, awkwardly. If the boy was shocked, he didn't show it at all, which, honestly, surprised me quite a bit. Whenever I introduced myself, people would be shocked and ask to see my scar, which quickly got annoying.

"M' name's Ron Weasley," Ron said, giving him a small glare. The boy didn't seem to notice.

"I'm Hermione G-Granger." She stuttered.

"I'm Edward Elric," The boy , Edward, said. "But you can call me Ed." I frowned. Edward? I've never seen this guy at Hogwarts. Maybe he was a first year.

Ron squinted. "I haven't seen you around here..." He muttered, squinting. "You don't _look_ like a first year..." Ed paused for a moment, then grinned.

"How old do you think I am?" He asked.

"I'd say either fourteen or fifteen." I said. Ed's grin grew wider.

"Finally! Someone doesn't think that I'm twelve or something!" He whooped. Hermione blinked.

"Why would they think that?" She asked. He shrugged.

"Well, see, I used to be really short..." He said with a small shudder. "Everyone'd think that I was, like, ten." Hermione smiled nervously, still blushing. I've never seen Hermione like this.

"So where do you come from, mate?" Ron asked. "You have a bloody weird accent and look-" Hermione elbowed him, and he glared at her. Ed shrugged.

"You guys probably haven't heard of it." He said, simply. Hermione cleared her throat.

"So you aren't a first year...but I haven't seen you around at all." She said. "Are you a transfer student, then?" Ed chuckled.

"Well-" He started, but was cut off when the compartment door slid open, revealing Malfoy and his goons. I felt my blood boil at the sight. Malfoy just _loved_ pissing everyone off. I glared at him.

"What?" I spat. Malfoy smirked.

"Watch your mouth, Potter," He said. "Because I, unlike you, became a prefect, which means that I, unlike you, can give you detention." Ed snorted.

"Isn't that abusing your power?" He said, rolling his eyes. "Besides, what valid reason can you give detention to Harry for? I'm pretty sure 'I want to show off what I have that Potter doesn't and make his life miserable for my own entertainment' isn't one." Malfoy looked infuriated.

"Why- You- You filthy mudblood!" He sputtered. Ed raised his eyebrows.

"Mudblood, huh?" He mused. "That supposed to be an insult?"

"Of course it's a insult! What are you, stupid?" Crabbe said. Goyle grunted in agreement.

"Well, it's a very bad one. Why'd you even come here, Malfoy? Do you just enjoy pissing everyone off and making everybody hate you? Or did you just come to gloat because you were made a prefect?" Ed said, raising a eyebrow. Malfoy shot him a withering glare.

"Don't talk to me like that, mudblood!" He snapped. "When my father hears about-"

"I don't care about what your father will do," He interrupted, giving him a glare that would make a dragon cower. "Piss off." After quick, heated argument between a enraged, fuming Malfoy and a calm, teasing Ed, Malfoy left, slamming the compartment door behind him.

I looked at Ed, grateful and in awe at how well he managed Malfoy without resorting to threats or violence. "Thanks for sending him away." He cracked a smile.

"Don't mention it." He replied. "I just hate people who abuse their power." He said, stretching.

"Oh!" said Hermione, still staring at Ed with the lightest hint of pink on her cheeks, "You were saying something before Malfoy came." She said. Ed blinked.

"Oh, yeah," He said. "Well, I was going to say that I'm the new professor." He said. My eyes widened, and Ron looked skeptical. He couldn't be a _professor!_ He was our age, for crying out loud! I finally managed to find my voice, and spoke.

"Y-You're a _professor?_ " I asked. He nodded, and Hermione said, "W-Wow. You must be really smart." Ron snorted.

"Well, you must be a bloody genius!" He said. "Maybe even smarter than 'Mione over here." She glared at him. We all knew how smart Hermione was, and never dared compare her to someone else. It was sure to end in disaster.

"Well, of course he is, Ronald!" She snapped. "He's a professor, for crying out loud!"

"Wait, why are you teaching, anyways?" Ron asked. Ed sighed, softly.

"Well, originally, he was looking for my good for nothing father-" He scowled at this- "But that bastard Colonel decided to blackmail _me-_ of all people- to teach here because, apparently, I was 'talented and could get along with the students and I needed a break from research'! I mean, seriously! He wouldn't even let my brother come along because it'd be a 'distraction' and I'd blend in better!" He ranted. Hermione raised an eyebrow.

"Blackmail?" asked Hermione. He nodded.

"Mm-hm."

"Why? How? And what are you researching?" Ed froze for a moment, then turned back away.

"Can't tell, sorry. Shoulda kept my mouth shut." Ron cast a suspicious glance towards him, but said nothing. After a few moments of silence, I spoke up.

"Hey, Ed," I said. "What did you mean by 'Colonel'? Like, the military colonel?" I asked. He nodded.

"Yep." He said. I frowned.

"But what would a colonel have to do with you?" I asked, again, my face scrunched up in confusion. "I mean, why is a colonel even involved in this? Don't tell me you're in the-"

"Can't say." Ed said, sharply.

"Oh. But what about your eyes? I've never really seen a person with golden colored eyes," I said. Lupin's eyes weren't the intense shade of gold like Edward's. They were a simple, bright yellow color, and there was something in Edward's eyes that I couldn't quite place. Pain? Guilt? Anger? Frustration?

"Heritage," He said. "My dad had golden eyes, so I guess it was passed down to me."

"So you're not a bloody werewolf?" Ron blurted out. Ed raised his eyebrows, and snorted.

" _Werewolf?_ " He chuckled. He shook his head. "No. I assure you, I'm 100% human." Ron looked at him suspiciously.

"Well, why are you wearing gloves?" Ron asked. For a moment, Ed's face darkened greatly, but it happened so fast, I was sure that I was just hallucinating. He cleared his throat.

"Reasons." He said, simply, looking away. However, Ron decided to press.

"What kind of reasons?" He asked, innocently. Ed squared his shoulders.

"Reasons that I'd prefer not to say." He said, sharply.

"Why not?"

"Because it has to do with something personal."

"Personal? What happened."

"Do you not know what 'personal' means?" He said. He sighed, then shook his head. "Let's just say that I made a dumb decision in the past and leave it at that, okay?"

"But-" Ron started. Ed sighed, and gave him a sharp look, looking a bit exhausted.

"Please drop it, alright?" He said. Ron frowned, but kept quiet. After that, everything fell into silence. For a while, it was quiet, until Hermione decided to speak.

"So what subject are you teaching?" She asked. Ed gave a small smile.

"I'm teaching Alchemy." He said, simply. Alchemy? The word sounded vaguely familiar, but I don't think I actually knew what it was. "You guys know what that is, right?" He asked. Ron and I shook our heads. Hermione looked deep in thought. She snapped her fingers.

"Ah! Alchemy!" She said. "Um, isn't that where you can turn lead into gold? And isn't it a dead form of magic?" She asked. Ed frowned.

"Well, you're kinda right," Ed said. "Alchemists _can_ turn pebbles or lead into gold, but it's illegal. And alchemy is a science, not magic. It's the metaphysical art of manipulating and altering matter by using natural energy. It can be difficult to some people, since you need to know everything in the periodic table as well as what the object your transmuting is made up of, but it's still possible. I'd tell you more about it, but I've gotta go." He said, standing up.

"It was nice to meet you all," He said, grinning. "Er, I'll see you guys in class...or something." He said, awkwardly, as he opened the compartment door and walked out, closing it gently behind him. Hermione let out a small sigh, and Ron shot her a glare.

"He's a professor...at this age...he's a prodigy..." She whispered, dreamily. "I wonder if he noticed that I-"

"-Like him?" Ron cut off, angrily. "You made that bloody obvious as soon as he walked in! Seriously, what's your deal with him? We barely know the guy! He seems fishy to me! And he was wearing gloves, too! What if he's a bloody Death Eater?" Hermione glared.

"Ron, I doubt he's a Death Eater!" She snapped. "You're just jealous because he's- he's- he's better looking than you!" The tips of Ron's ears turned bright red.

"I- You- No- No way!" He sputtered, red-faced. Hermione turned away with a small "humph" and I couldn't help but be a little suspicious of the new professor as well. Why wouldn't he answer some of the questions? What were under his gloves? What 'dumb decision' did he make? Was that decision joining the Death Eaters?

I sighed and looked outside just in time to see Hogwarts come into view. I wondered how the students would react to Ed, and how Ed would react back.

 **So...first chapter . Sorry if anything seems off, by the way. Hopefully, future chapters will be better :) Please reviewt! I'm an attention whore, I love getting reviews xD Yes, I DO have another HPxFMA x-over. I'm such a bad person ;-;**


	2. Chapter 2

**Whoa. Holy crap. I didn't expect to get this many follows since the first chapter was shit-a-rific. Excuse my language ;-; But holy crap, thanks so much, guys! :) :) :) I'll definitely try to make this chappie way better.**

 **Warning: I probably failed Hagrid's little accent. So...feel free to yell at me all you want ;-;**

 **Edward**  
I looked up at the door that led to the Great Hall and rolled my eyes. I didn't understand why wizards made doors so damn _huge._ I gave a small huff and opened the doors, with not as much difficulty as I imagined, and strut inside. "-Dolores Umbridge. And here comes the teacher of the newest subject, alchemy, Professor Edward Elric!"

I heard the students whisper not so quietly as I walked towards the staff table and sat down next to a giant man with a brown beard. They were probably talking about how I was their age. Well, if they didn't like it, they can kiss my-

"To our new students, welcome! To our returning students, welcome back! There is a time for a speech, but now is not the time. Instead, let's get on with the feast! Tuck in!" He said as food appeared on everyone's plates. I jumped a bit and somehow managed not to gawk. After I got after the shock, I began to eat, stuffing everything I can get my hands on in my mouth, which earned strange looks from the teachers and students. The guy with the beard turned to me.

"You musta been hungry," He said. "Yer a new professor?" He asked. I nodded and stuffed a piece of steak in my mouth.

"Mmhm." I managed with my mouth full. The guy grinned and took a bite out of his chicken leg.

"M' name's Hagrid," He introduced, "I reckon you mus' be a prodigy of some sort, considerin' yer the student's age." I shrugged.

"I guess so," I said after swallowing. "See, I wasn't supposed to teach here, originally. My superior officer was supposed to, but he blackmailed me into doing it for him since I owe him." Hagrid blinked.

"Yer...in the military?" He asked. I nodded.

"Er, kinda." I said. "I'm a State Alchemist. Technically, they work for the military." The woman with mouse brown hair and a fuzzy pink cardigan, Umbridge, gawked.

"You-You're a _child!"_ She gasped. "You shouldn't be in the military _or_ teaching at Hogwarts!" I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, well, be glad that Colonel Bastard isn't here. If he were, he'd probably fry the students, so be glad that you got me instead." Her nostrils flare.

"This is an _outrage!_ A child-"

"I. Am. _Not._ A. Child." I growled, glaring daggers. She gulped.

"When the ministry-"

"The ministry my ass," I snorted. "Lady, I know what the hell I'm doing. So just sit back and let me do it." Her face turned red, and her nostrils flared. She opened her mouth to say something, but was cut off by Dumbledore making his speech. Umbridge immediately went back to her fake, calm, girly self. Despite having a annoying bitch as my fellow teacher and threaten me with something called the ministry, I felt like I'd have fun this year.

Well, that is, having fun pissing everyone off.

 **Okay so this chapter wasn't as good as I thought it'd be. So sorry. When Ed starts teaching, hopefully things will get better. What do you guys think? Please comment!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Boom. I FIXED THE POV'S :D But damn I like writing in Ed's POV for some reason, so you'll probably see a lot of that happening. Hopefully, the chapters will be longer and less shit-tastic haha. Mother of Truth, I didn't update in a while. I apologize for my absence. I was too caught up on watching 5 more seasons of SPN. Cass bby why /3 /3 Well, enough of my babbling xP On with the story! Also...sorry if anyone seems a little OOC. I apologize in advance.**

 _ **Edward**_  
Ed felt the eyes of either curious or baffled teachers and students on him as soon as he entered the Great Hall. He was wearing the outfit he wore the night he arrived, while the other teachers were wearing either robes or normal (or, "muggle", they called it) clothing. As soon as he reached the table and sat down, his best friend decided to speak up.

"What- Mr. Elric, why are you wearing this- this- this _gaudy_ article of clothing?!" Umbridge questioned loudly, making a few teachers, and even students, look up. Her nostrils flared. Ed shrugged.

"Well, Ms. Sunshine, I don't think your outfit's much better," He said, eyeing the fuzzy, pink cardigan she wore. Her eyes bulged and her face turned red while she sputtered incomprehensible responses as a few students, and even a teacher, snicker. "Besides," He continued, "I don't see anything wrong with it." Umbridge's eye twitched, and she waited ten seconds before speaking in a unusually girly and sickly sweet tone.

"Tight leather pants, leather black and red combat boots, and a crimson cloak with a strange symbol aren't school appropriate." She said, then smiled sweetly. "What you call clothing is a abomination here at this school. I suggest you wear _robes."_ Ed snorted, and rolled his eyes.

"My clothes are _badass!"_ He retorted, ignoring Umbridge's gasp of "Language!" and continued. "And I don't think wearing a bright pink, fuzzy cardigan is appropriate either. It'll be distracting. And if _you're_ allowed to wear 'abominations' as clothing, why can't I?" He said, smirking. Umbridge's mouth opened, but no sound came out. Her face turned the color of a tomato, and without a word, she stood up and walked out of the hall. Ed felt quite accomplished with himself. He managed to make the toad actually _walk out_ of breakfast. McGonagall looked impressed, but said nothing.

As soon as Umbridge left, Ed began to dig in. "Careful, Edward," The nurse, Madam Pomfrey, warned. "You might get a stomach ache if you eat too quickly." Ed nodded.

"Thanks, Ms..." He said, trailing off. Madam Pomfrey smiled kindly at him.

"Pomfrey. Feel free to call me Poppy, though." She said. Ed nodded and took note of this and resumed eating. When he was satisfied, he checked his silver pocket watch. After Winry managed to break his watch open, he didn't bother fixing it again and eventually began to use it to check the time, though he wouldn't let anyone else see the inside, even though the grim reminder on the lid was in Amestrian.

It was almost time to get ready for class, and a wave of dread washed over him. He'd probably be the worst teacher in history. Knowing his temper and slight impatience, the day probably won't end well. He also didn't feel like teaching some snot-nosed wizard brats. He exhaled softly and got up, and, with the assistance of Poppy, he managed to make it to the classroom.

It looked pretty normal for a school run by wizards and witches. A desk seemingly made out of oak with several parchments of paper, quills, and small bottles of ink resting on it. Behind the desk was a blackboard, and on the right of it was a periodic table poster. On the other wall was a set of large, grand windows that overlooked the forbidden forest and a small hut. On each desk was a small tube of ink and textbooks. The floors were white and pristine, and there was a small supply closet in the corner of the room, nearest to the desk.

Ed sighed, picking a textbook up and flipping through the pages, skimming over the words. The textbooks were surprisingly accurate, considering that alchemy was considered a dead art in England. Feeling a bit satisfied with the accuracy, he headed to the blackboard and picked up a piece of chalk with his gloved hand and wrote his name on the board. He stepped back, feeling another surge of satisfaction as he gazed upon his writing, which had improved from a chicken scratch to proper, neat-ish handwriting. Ed had originally been right-handed, but when he got automail, he would always end up breaking the pencil because he couldn't feel it and didn't know the right pressure to apply. So, after many agonizing years of nearly indecipherable writing, he slowly but surely progressed.

He was so deep in thought he didn't notice the students come in. Once he snapped out of his train of thought, he glanced at the students. "Oh, um..." He started off awkwardly, "Just sit...wherever, I guess." He said. Once everyone was seated, he began.

"As you all know, I'm your new alchemy professor, Mr. Elric. Just call me Ed, though. Professor's just too damn formal. I'm used to being called worse things, anyway," He said, earning a giggle from most of the female population in the room. He leaned against the desk, looking around the room before beginning.

"So, who here thinks they know what alchemy is?"


	4. Chapter 4

Edward  
Malfoy's eyes widened. "You-" He sputtered, looking over at the trio, most likely to see if they were shocked at this. Of course, they weren't. "You were on the train! You told me to piss off!" Ed had a hard time containing his smirk and shrugged his shoulders.

"Yeah, and? There's nothing wrong with telling a pompous bully to screw off." He said, earning a few snickers from a handful of Gryffindor students and a few Ravenclaw. Dumbledore had informed him that students in the same year from all four houses would be present in his class at the same time, though a normal class would have only two houses. Malfoy turned red.

"You can't say that to your students!" Ed gave a small scoff.

"Oh? Well I already did. Is there a rule saying that I can't talk that way to assholes?" Malfoy's mouth opened but no words came out. An angry flush came to his cheeks.

"Are you even qualified to teach us?" Malfoy snapped. "Your our age! How can you teach us?" He said, looking quite triumphant. Ed shot a glare to him, getting a little irritated.

"Because I'm a prodigy." He said, a little smug with that statement. Malfoy grit his teeth, but said nothing. That's what I thought, Ed thought smugly.

"Who knows what alchemy is?" He said, changing the topic. For a minute, there was silence. Then, slowly, a shaking hand went up.

"Yeah?" He said. The boy was a slightly chubby, nervous-looking boy with brown hair and light eyes. He cleared his throat awkwardly before talking.

"I-Isn't alchemy s-some form of dead magic where you can turn something like lead into gold?" He said. Ed raised his eyebrows. What was up with this whole 'alchemy's a dying branch of magic' thing? Perhaps it was because these damned wizards couldn't tell science apart from magic that came out of a stick.

"Well, kind of," He said. "Alchemy's not a magic, it's a science. Basically, alchemy is when you manipulate natural energy. That's called a transmutation. However, making gold out of something is possible, but illegal." As soon as he said this, the room was filled with sighs and groans of disappointment. He rolled his eyes and turned around, then picked up a piece of chalk.

"Why is that, Prof- Ed, I mean," A girl asked. Ed raised his eyebrows. There kids were supposed to be his age- surely they'd understand that it'd mess the economy up, right? But, then again, He thought, they're all probably idiots.

"Because it can screw up the economy. Gold is, as you may all know, worth a lot of money. Transmute too much gold, then the item becomes useless. Any other questions?" He said. A girl raised her hand, a dreamy look in her eye as she stared at Ed.

"Yeah?" He said to the girl. She put her hand down and put her elbows on the table, resting her chin on her palm, a slow, somewhat-flirty smile spreading across her face.

"Are you single?" The question caught Ed by surprise. What. The. Fuck. He thought immediately. Ed was never good with girls, which meant that he was even worse at flirtations. That, and though nearly nobody knew but Al, and he could become quite flustered at times.

"Um." He started dumbly, heat rising to his cheeks, causing girls to giggle. "...Yeah...?" It seemed more like a question than a statement. Truth, why must you do this to me...

"And why's that?" Another asked, batting her eyelashes. Meanwhile, Ed was internally freaking out. What does he say? Why can't they go bother other guys? Why him?

"...I don't have time for something like that," He ended up saying. He left out the fact that he didn't want to put that special person in danger, or leave them grieving in case he died. Although he normally acted arrogant and rude, he always carried the small, dark possibility that he could die in battle. He constantly reminded himself of this. And he didn't want that special person's heart to ache for his death. He didn't want to cause people more pain than he already had. Before the conversation on his love life could progress, he immediately changed the topic.

"Alchemy is extremely complex. Since you're free to drop in and out and that I'm free to kick people out if I believe that they're not fit to perform alchemy, I estimate that at least half of you would be leaving this class in...let's say...two months." Hermione gasped, and Ed could tell that she was terrified of being kicked out. She seems to have a brain, Ed thought. She'll probably be fine. A boy from Gryffindor raised his hand. Ed recognized him as Harry.

"Why are you telling us this, sir?" Harry asked.

"Because. I'm just giving you a heads up if you fail the test I'm about to give you all." The room exploded in outraged shouts, sighs, groans, and gasped. Ed put his hands up. "Calm down," He tried, but it was fruitless. Everyone was either in a panic or angry.

"Test?! I didn't study!"

"It's only the first day!"

"Are we gonna get kicked out if we fail?!"

"That's rubbish!"

Ed had enough. Putting his fingers between his teeth, he let out a sharp, high-pitched whistle that rang out as clear as a bell throughout the classroom, effectively shutting everyone up. Ed crossed his arms. "If you'd all shut the hell up and let me finish, then I would've explained everything. Are you all willing shut your mouths and listen now?" He was greeted with silence. He took that as a yes.

"Good. Yes, there will be a test, and, yes, if you fail, you'll be kicked out." Several students started to sputter, but he shot them a glare and they immediately shut up. "You will all have to solve what this means: All is one, one is all. In exactly one month, you will all tell me what you think it means. You're free to come to me and try as many times as you want if it's before a month. That is all." There was a silence before students immediately began to speak again, all asking questions, none comprehensible. Ed put his hand up.

"One at a time!" He said. A sea of hands went up. He nodded toward Ron, who had his hand up.

"Why the bloody hell do we have a month to solve some riddle like that? That's probably not even related to alchemy! This is rubbish..."

"To learn alchemy, you need to understand it. If you manage to find out the true meaning, that shows that you're capable of comprehending it. When my brother and I were 10, our teacher, to teach us this lesson, abandoned us on a deserted island for a month with nothing except for a knife and the clothes we wore." He said. The students gasped.

"You survived on an island for a month when you were only 10?!"

"That's a bloody hardcore teacher..."

"That's terrible!" Ed shushed them all.

"It was hard at first, but it taught me the lesson. My teacher's a great, yet terrifying one..." He shuddered. Ed dug in his pocket for his watch then checked the time. They still had nearly 15 minutes left of class. He sighed. "Okay, so since we still have a lot of time left, I'll be teaching you the basics for now."

"In order to perform alchemy, you must know the three basic properties that make a transmutation up: Understanding, deconstruction, and reconstruction." After he wrote that down, he turned around to find the students still staring at him. He sighed. "Well? Why aren't you writing this down?"

 **I'M BACK! WHOOOOO...I'm so sorry. For a while I forgot about this fic because I had huge writer's block, but hopefully I'll be updating more frequently. Please leave a comment if you enjoyed!**


	5. Chapter 5

**_Edward_**  
Ed was sure he was about to murder those damned red headed twins.

They were the pranksters of the class, he could tell. From asking ridiculous questions to intentionally making smal- _comments_ about his height, the Weasley twins were a nuisance to Ed. Even when he sat at his desk, writing a letter to Al describing the wizarding world, from the technology to the unfortunately ignorant students and, of course, to the wonders that the wizards called 'magic' that surpassed the law of equivalent exchange, the Weasley twins continued to come in every 5 minutes with a new answer to his riddle.

"Ed!" Greeted Fred- or was it George? Ed didn't really give a rat's ass. This was the 5th time they've interrupted him within the twenty minutes. He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He was beginning to wish he didn't tell them that they could go to him whenever they pleased. "What's with the long face? Aren't you happy to see us?"

"Not at all." Ed grumpily replied warily. He considered locking the door when he threw them out of the classroom. Unfortunately, Ed learned that the pair were smarter than they looked. They could probably uses some dumbass spell to unlock it or, hell, they might even just pick the damned lock."The hell do you idiots want?" George grinned.

"That's no way to treat your students~" He sang. Ed shot him a blank stare.

"Does it look like I care?" He asked. "Just...what do you want?" The twins merely grinned in response.

"We know the answer to your riddle!" They said in unison. Ed rolled his eyes with a small snort.

"You said that the last 4 times you've been here." He informed. "What dumbass idea do you have now?" If they were discouraged by Ed's choice of words, they certainly didn't show it.

"To be successful-"

"-you have to work together!" Fred finished. They both grinned, looking quite proud of themselves. Ed rolled his eyes.

"Incorrect. Now, get out." Ed was slightly disappointed when their facial expressions didn't change, discouragement nowhere evident on either of their faces. It made him a bit grumpier. _Heh. Irritated because they don't look hopeless?_ He thought. _Ah, I'm going to hell._ "Why the hell are you two dolts still smiling?"

"Well, Mr. Ed, we've still got many more ideas to share with you!" George told him. Ed groaned. "Isn't that great?"

"Maybe for you," He grumbled. "Now, get the- oi! The hell are you doing, Carrothead?!" Ed snapped as the other Weasley twin snatched the paper off his desk.

"What's this, Eddie?" He asked him. He knitted his eyebrows together in confusion. "It's in a funny language." Len hissed.

"I'll give you a chance to give that back just because I'm feeling lazy today," Ed growled. Fred didn't seem to hear him. He blinked and squinted at the Amestrian writing on the paper.

"It looks slightly German...but it also sounds kind of...Asia- uwah!" The Elric, impatient and wanting to get his letter back even though the Weasley couldn't understand it, rushed forward and kicked the redhead in the back of the knee with his foot. Hard. Not with his automail one, as much as he wanted, since it would probably break his leg and he didn't want to get an earful from that bastard colonel. Turning quickly around and grabbing Fred's arm, Ed flipped him over. Once he was on the ground, staring up at the Elric wide-eyed, Ed snatched the letter out of his hand. The pair were quiet.

Rather than anger or outrage or even fear appearing on Fred's face, a rather large grin graced his lips and excitement and awe sparked in his eyes. "Professor! That was-"

"-Bloody amazing!" George finished for him. Fred sprang up quickly to his feet, George rushing over there as well. "Can you teach us that, Mr. Elric, sir? We promise to use it out of the goodness of our hearts!"

"Most of the time," Fred added. Ed scoffed and grabbed both of their collars, though the two were a few inches taller than him. Actually, a _lot_ more than a few. Tall bastards.

"No. Now get out." He flung the door open and threw them out. George gave him a look that looked similar to a puppy being thrown in the rain. _Ha. Puppy faces don't work on me._ Ed thought, slamming the door in their faces and locking it without a second thought. Placing the paper back down on his desk, he gave a small sigh and sat down.

His breath hitched in his throat as he felt an intense pain around his ports. He gripped the edges of the desk, biting his lip so hard he felt the metallic taste of blood in his mouth. He didn't know what the _hell_ it was, but when he entered Hogwarts, he kept experiencing pains around his automail. He brushed it off as a traveling side effect, but as the pains got more frequent and the aches got longer and more intense, he began to think that maybe there was something wrong with his automail. _Like hell I'd call Winry...she'd kill me with that damned wrench..._ He thought, grinding his teeth. _It's probably nothing, anyways._ The pain finally began to subside and he relaxed, leaning back into his chair with a small sigh.

 _It'll go away..._ He thought to himself confidently.

That's what he told himself the last seven times.

* * *

 _ **Harry**_  
"Gah! I haven't got a clue what Professor Elric means!" Hermione said, a distressed look on her face as she threw her hands up, slamming the book shut. They were in the library. Again. The riddle Profes- Ed gave them seemed to drive Hermione nuts. She spent nearly all her time in the library, now, trying to find the answer in a book. Harry was surprised that she hadn't read _all_ the books in the library yet at this rate. "This is near impossible!" Ron shrugged.

"Why don't you just give up and guess or something?" He asked. Hermione's eyes nearly popped out of her sockets upon hearing Ron's suggestion. Harry winced. Everybody knew that you shouldn't doubt Hermione or tell her to give up as long as you wanted to stay in once piece. However, Ron, being the dense rock he is, continued. "It's not like anyone's gonna get it anyways. It's too ha- ow!" He yelped. Hermione had grabbed a book (thankfully, it was a softcover) and hit Ron over the head with it, glaring daggers at him. Ron rubbed his head. "What's _wrong_ with you, woman?!"

"How dare you assume that I'm such a- a slacker!" She hissed. "You should really try harder to get the answer, Ronald!"

"Well it's harder now that you've knocked about half of my brain cells out with that bloody book!"

" _What_ brain cells, Ron?"

"Oi!" Ron snapped. "Are you saying that I'm dumb?!"

"Obviously," Harry muttered under his breath. Ron didn't seem to hear him. To be honest, Harry didn't necessarily know why Ron was so offended. It was common knowledge that neither of them even came close to Hermione's level of intelligence, which, he supposed, made them...well... _dumb_ , compared to the brunette.

"At least I know not to waste my time readin' every book in the whole bloody library!" Ron shot back heatedly. "It's useless, y'know!" Hermione squinted at him.

"You have no patience, Ronald Weasley." She told him with a small scoff. "The answer _has_ to be somewhere in the library-"

"Nope." The trio whipped around to find their young, blonde professor poke his head out from behind a shelf. "It's fruitless to stay cooped up in the library." He paused, then snorted. "Never thought I'd say that..." Hermione looked horrified and dismayed at the news.

"But- but, Professor!" She protested weakly, dismissing his awkward shudder at her calling him "professor." Ron looked at her in triumph, smirking. "H-How are we s-supposed to find the answer, then?!" _She looks like someone kicked Crookshanks_ , Harry noted. He felt a bit bad for her. Hermione had spent so much time in the library, the pressure of solving the riddle nearly crushing her. Harry was afraid that by the time the answer for the riddle was due, she'd be insane. Ron, however, wasn't so sympathetic.

"Ha! I told you!" He gloated, grinning at a shocked Hermione. "I was right!" Harry rolled his eyes and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

"Oh, come on, Ron. There was a good chance of finding the answer in the library." He said. He was afraid that Hermione would burst into tears any second. The deadline was more than two weeks away, and Hermione spent more than half of the time that was given in the library only to find out that the answer was never there. That was pretty rough.

"You look like someone just threw a puppy out in the merciless rain," Ed remarked, stepping out from behind the shelf, giving Harry a full view of his professor. His arms carried countless books that were stacked all the way up to his chin. The books wobbled and began to slide a bit to the left and Ed cursed quietly as he leaned a bit to the other side. "Before I spill everything on the floor and cause a bigass scene in the library and get skinned alive by the librarian, I'll give you a tip." Once the books were no longer in danger of falling to the floor, he stopped, a relieved look on his face and cast a look at Hermione.

"Go out." He simply said. Harry raised his eyebrows, and Ron looked gleeful.

"Like to Hogsmeade?" He asked. "If you insist, Professor!" Ed snorted. Harry was sure that he would've hit Ron over the head if his arms weren't full.

"No, you-" He sighed and cut himself off. "I mean take a look around nature. Take a hike, have a picnic, whatever. Observe shit around you." Harry frowned.

"But Professor-"

"Ed."

"- _Ed_." Harry corrected. "How is this gonna help us?"Ed rolled his golden eyes as if Harry was an idiot.

"It's a _hint_ , not the answer." He snorted. "Figure it out. I'm sure you lot are capable." He cursed again, this time much more loudly, as about one or two books nearly fell from his arms. He earned a loud "shh!" from the librarian and a cross look. Ed shuddered.

"Anyways, I'm gonna go before I get smacked. See you guys around." He turned and walked away, swiftly. Harry, for a split second, could've sworn he saw a flash of something under the professor's sleeve. It had happened so fast that he was convinced that it was nothing.

But, then again, when Harry Potter thought of something to be "nothing" it was really anything _but_ that.

 **fff im not sure if that last sentence made sense but aYE I UPDATED FASTER THIS TIME ARE YOU GUYS PROUD OR AM I GONNA GET MURDERED-**

 **but serIOUSLY HOLY SHIT I NEVER EXPECTED THIS STORY TO GET SO MUCH ATTENTION!**

 **Thank you, all of you, who took the time to read this hot mess of a fanfic! I really appreciate it! Reviews on the chapter are hugely appreciated, and, again, thank you all very much!**

 **ciao~**


	6. Chapter 6

**_Edward_**  
Ed could tell that Al was excited about Hogwarts.

In his letter, he wrote about how fascinating everything sounded at the school and how he couldn't wait to visit one day. He also seemed far too intrigued with the "cute" little owl that delivered the letter. Ed wasn't surprised about this- Alphonse was always a sucker for cuddly animals. And his snow white owl, Crystal, fit the description of what Alphonse would likely hide in his armor in an attempt to smuggle the poor thing with him. Al also kept him updated on everyone and everything. Winry and Pinako were still doing great with business. Alphonse reported that Winry still kept her wrench at the ready in case Ed dared to damage her precious automail. Team Mustang were doing well, though Ed could couldn't care less about Colonel Bastard.

And, of course, Alphonse himself was doing alright. Unfortunately, there was no progress in finding anything out about the stone or the Homunculi. Both for Alphonse _and_ Edward.

Edward snarled and slammed the book down on the table. "What the hell is all this bullshit?!" He ground out through grit teeth, anger and frustration coming off of him in great waves. Luckily, both to the elder Elric and the public, he was currently in his room. Books were in stacks all around his dark oak desk, papers and even more books covering the desktop. Ed was honestly _offended_ by the absolute _bullshit_ that was written before him.

" _The Philosopher's Stone holds power beyond imagination. It is said that the Stone can cure any illness, turn any metal into gold, or even bring the dead back to life. However, it is heat-sensitive and will most likely be destroyed or melt in a fire.'_ What drug was this guy on?!" Ed growled before slamming the book closed. It was likely that the contents weren't as accurate as Ed hoped anyways.

The Elric was easily angered that morning, more so than the rest, most likely because he pulled an all-nighter in an attempt to find something of use. Ed didn't get a lot of sleep as it is, with the occasional nightmare and overall restlessness. It wasn't very healthy for him, but he had a habit of disobeying the rules of health sometimes.

He checked his watch and sighed, running a hand through his golden hair before standing, the sound of his chair scraping against the floor harsh and loud. He looked down at his disheveled clothes. It was his usual attire, the same outfit he wore nearly every day. He didn't find a reason to change.

His stomach growled loudly and Ed made his way to the Great Hall. Once there, he didn't hesitate to plop himself down in a chair and dig in. "Goodness, Edward! You've got bags a mile wide! Didn't you get any sleep last night?" The herbology teacher- Ms. Sprout, if Edward recalled correctly- gasped. Ed, mind muddled with sudden exhaustion, shrugged.

"Yeah...all 25 hours..." He mumbled as he bit into his 3rd slice of toast. Ms. Sprout wasn't convinced.

"Lord, Poppy, look at this! The poor boy looks as if he didn't get a second's worth of shut-eye!" Ms. Sprout told the nurse. Poppy frowned and looked Edward up and down.

"Dear God, Ed. You alright?" She asked.

"Peachy." He replied, mouth full. His head throbbed and ached and he felt as if he weighed nothing, as if he were floating. And not in the good way. It was more of the about-to-collapse way. Of course, Ed wasn't _actually_ going to collapse- he's pulled several all-nighters before and felt the same way he did now. His stomach churned and he took that as his cue to stop eating the usually appetizing breakfast.

"Oh, dear. You look absolutely _terrible_ , Mr. Elric." Umbridge chirped in with her aggravating, fake sweet voice that Ed hated so much. Her outfit that day was just as obnoxious as her previous ones. She wore a feathery hat and dress with a light cardigan, all of it colored hot pink. Ed had never hated the color pink so much until now. Looking at Umbridge hurt his eyes. Even if she wore decent clothing, Ed wouldn't want to look upon her in fear of going blind. "You're not fit to teach the students today!"

"Just watch me." Ed replied shortly, already fed up with the woman's bullshit. Sometimes he just wanted to transmute a wall around her so that he didn't have to hear her stupid, sickly sweet voice spouting nonsense. But she wasn't completely wrong- the Elric wouldn't be in the best shape for teaching today.

What Ed couldn't figure out was _why_ he felt so similar to shit after a single all-nighter. He did it all the time and, yeah, he felt tired for the rest of the day until he took a short nap, but he never felt this shitty. Perhaps it was because he was in a new environment far, far away from his country, or maybe it was travel sickness. Yeah, that was it.

"Why, if you ask me-"

"Nobody asked you to open your damn mouth." Ed snapped. "So shut the hell up. All because you have trouble standing, either because of your crippling age or weight, doesn't mean that I'm not fit to teach a class all because I lost just a _couple_ hours of sleep." Umbridge's mouth was open and ready to catch flies as she stared at the Elric. The table had gone quiet at Ed's small outburst. Then, slowly, red began to flush into Umbridge's face as she opened and closed her mouth like a fish, trying to find the right words to say without losing her sickly-sweet image.

" _M-Mr. Elric_! I'll have you reported to-"

"Save it." Ed interrupted as he stood from the table, glancing down at the plate that still held a large abundance of eggs, bacon, toast, and sausage. "You've made me lose my appetite."

* * *

"Draco Malfoy, if you don't shut the fuck up right now, you'll be seeing stars for the rest of the month." Edward snapped, giving the fellow blonde a piercing glare. Malfoy paled then nodded. "Okay. Great. Class dismissed." Rustles filled the room as students packed up to leave to lunch, a quiet chatter adding to the noise of the room. Malfoy was one of the first ones out- Ed saw the blonde practically ran out of the room. One by one, the students filed out the door until there was one left.

Hermione Granger.

The young girl looked nervous, standing with her bag clutched in her arms tightly and staring at the blonde professor, who was currently furiously erasing the chalk from the blackboard. "Yes, Ms. Granger?" Ed said. Hermione jumped a bit at the professor's sudden words.

"A-Ah...I- I believe I've figured out the meaning of the riddle...may I...?" The Granger trailed off and Ed turned and fell back in his chair with an exhausted sigh, rubbing his temples. Unfortunately for him, Malfoy was even more troublesome than usual. He was surprised he hasn't punched the kid in the face yet. With his automail fist.

"Go ahead." Ed sighed, peeking at her through his blonde bangs. "I'm listening." Hermione shifted her weight to her other foot. She was never one to be nervous when answering a question. She's always been so confident since she usually had the correct answer for nearly all of her classes. But alchemy, however, was a different story.  
She'd gone to the library to research more about the subject to get a better understanding of the class, but was instead further confused. Some of the information in the books contradicted what Edward told the class. Multiple books also had different information, telling the reader different things than what the previous book had said. But they all had one thing in common- magic wasn't something that had to be used for alchemy.

According to all the books she's read, anybody, muggle or not, could become an alchemist as long. One book said that the person can only perform alchemy if they had a 'Gate'. However, the 'Gate' was never mentioned again, both in that book and others Hermione had read. It was a bit strange, but she figured that Edward will explain it later on in the lesson.

"I-It's like the food web." Hermione said. "One is all, all is one. Everything is connected and everything is necessary to each other." She bit her lip and waited for the professor's reply. After a moment, he sighed and Hermione's heart dropped.

"You got it, Granger." He said. "Congratulations. You're the first." Hermione blinked in surprise, then grinned happily.

"I-I am?!" She whispered, though she wasn't too surprised. Everyone else had been complaining about the nonsense of the question and lazing around, after all. Ed nodded.

"Yeah, yeah. Is that all?" He said. Hermione nodded her head enthusiastically.

"Yes, professor! Thank you so much for the hint, by the way. It was really helpful." Ed nodded and stretched his arms before sighing heavily and grabbing a rather large book from his desk drawer.

"Glad to hear." He said. Hermione nodded and left, but before she left she cast a look over her shoulder at the professor. Her eyes wandered to the book he was reading and she paused.

The book was about the philosopher's stone.

Hermione left the room, thoughts swirling through her head as she walked down the hall. Professor Quirrel was after the Philosopher's stone in an attempt to achieve major power. But wasn't it destroyed?

For a moment, a terrible though crossed the young girl's mind.  
What if the professor was only teaching at Hogwarts because he was searching for the stone? What if it was only so he can get huge bundles of power?  
Edward Elric didn't seem like a bad man, but Hermione knew that looks can deceive. She was suspicious of the professor, but she wasn't going to do anything rash, heavens no. Hermione had something called 'common sense' and she liked to use it often.

Hermione decided that she'd keep an eye on the professor for a while and try to piece together what is goal is and what he wants with the Philosopher's stone. For all she knew, Ed could be a maniac craving absolute power, and the stone was the perfect source.

Even so, that didn't stop her from finding the professor to be _slightly_ dreamy.


End file.
